today was suppose to be fun... today was suppose to be perfect. and it was! till i got home, yet again.

it was to start off on a short shift.. 5 hours at work. i got a lunch, AND a break.. and got regular cashier so everything was easy.

after work, dad dropped me off at ashleys because i haven't seen the girl all summer. we've been wanting to hang out for quite the time, and today was really the only day we were both available. i bought 2 mango's.. and 3 oranges. mango's for kim, oranges for ashley..

kim ended up not even going and we sat around watching 'Saw', which ended up creeping me the FUCK out/keeping me on a cliff hanger as the pale dude dragged his leg and a half out the door..

dimitri calls after he finished a job and told me he'd pick me up around 7:30 after he showered..

and he did.. on his bike.

so we drove around.. went to randi's.. dropped my shit off in his truck and took off for the auburn mall.. we picked up a nose ring, and couldn't find shoes i liked..

we headed to the summer nationals.. spent 20 bucks looking around at shitty bikes, which he agreed, too..

around 10:45, dimitri decides to park a few houses away from mine, with the lights off so can wait till 11 (the time dad requested i be home at).

i get a phone call and dad tells me Harris, our neighbors, called and reported that we were there which is a crock of fucking shit. i'm pretty sure christine figured it out because she knew we did that the other night when sean went in to get her and they sucked face in the driveway.

i walk in ready to head on downstairs and they stop me. then thats when they let their inner fucking BULL come out and chew me a new fucking ass about getting on a bike with Dimitri after they made it clear that they didn't want me on it anymore.

apparently they called ashleys house, talked to the grandmother about me being picked up on the bike.
but ashley claims they never even talked, and it was strickly internet convo.

i had told ashley to IM christines SN to let them know i've been calling.. because i wanted to make sure it was okay with them with me being out with him.

as they were yelling at me, they had told me about some red head he's been 'playing', as with me. Dimitri's girlfriend had gone to minnisotta.. they broke up, after 4 years because she was cheating on him. but now, i guess he's waiting for her to come back so he can not only play me and this red head, but the whole bunch of us.

with all this going on.. i'm beginning to wonder. if she knew so much about dimitri, and knew how he went from girl to girl, then why did she ever let me meet him to begin with? why'd she ever encourage me to.. saying nothing but good shit about him? hm? she said he was a great guy.. she'd give him a chanse but he's younger than she is.. so she wasn't 'attracted' to him. yet now, after her and sean's 'honeymoon' ended, and all they do is fight..... now all of a sudden sean not only sucks ass, but dimitri does, too?

they want me to break up with dimitri? fine. i will. to please them, right? okay.. i'll find someone different.. oh hey! the seafood guy likes me! i guess i'll give him a chanse! it's not dimitri so they'll be happy! he's tall, thin, cute, half puerto rican and half italian, age 22, got a new york accent, extremley nice... they'll LOVE him. did i stress enough how old he is?

afterall, the seafood guy is single.. he's not pimping off girls left and right.. doesn't have a motor cycle.

i'm so sick of it.

and it's possible that we're not gonna last much longer because of them. all because of them.

fuck mom, fuck dad.. fuck the whole bunch of them.

i'll just forever remain unhappy so they can benefit more. they'll be able to watch me.. watch me go from work to my room.. work to my room. never going out. just wake in the morning, work, go home. and when summers over.. i'll go to school, work, home, sleep, wake, school, work, sleep.

that's what my life consisted of.

oh! and when i kill myself, i'll record it. then they'll be able to watch that, too..

that way, they'll know EXACTLY what happened. because this is what the whole ordeal is about, right?

they want to keep my virginity, reguardless that it's MY decision. they control me, they control my body, they control my actions.

(yes, and i realize i'm the youngest out of 5.. youngest out of the three girls who haven't gotten past the age of 17 without getting pregnant. billy even got his girlfriend pregnant around age 20-- even so, it was still a mistake)